teal

dinner

2009-03-31T22:09:00.002-05:00

I love dinner. It's my favorite meal of the day. I like making awesome dinners and rarely settle for anything less. However, there is something that is lost when people make dinner for me. I'm ever so grateful, but I like doing it myself. I find more enjoyment out of making other happy than I do being served. I'm not sure if this is because I find pleasure out of having control over the situation, but I'm sure it's something close to it.

In other news, my computer is functional again! Yippee. I'm still working through the other stuff that's bogging me down, but I have MLB, summer softball, volleyball and spring to look forward to. So I've got that goin' for me.

I really want a puppy... I guess I just miss Oscar :(

on the verge

2009-03-29T20:16:00.003-05:00

I've been a bit on edge lately. I'm not quite sure why, but I have been. Life is going well and maybe that's the culprit. While I try to stay pretty calm and cool on the surface, I think that I tend to be bit drawn to drama at times. My crass and sarcastic comments have been not only verbal, but louder lately. Buy why? Yes, my hamster died (miss you, little guy), and I'm curious about one other factor in my life that is totally inappropriate to talk about in this blog, but other than that, things are fine.

I like to think that I'm on the verge of discovering something monumental–either about myself or someone else, but only time will tell.

I do not enjoy being bitter or seemingly lacking compassion, but I am finding it very hard to tap into that part of me, but then again, it has always been hard for me to "understand" others. It is something that i struggle with constantly. I think that I've broken it down into 2 problems. 1. I have a hard time knowing how to react when someone tells me something unfortunate because I do not know what degree to concern I should display and 2. I have to digest whatever that event is on my own time and feel as if i am being a little bit fake when I over-react.

I have a hard time being happy like most people with normal and ordinary lives. I feel as if I should be moving forward faster or challenging myself with something constantly, but this one topic is cold and sour for me to tackle mainly because I do not want to be dragged into something that I have no business being involved with. That line between what I should react to and what I should not is very blurry for me and I feel bad for those who do not feel as if I am giving them the proper degree of concern.

Here's to being overly cynical...

Mawiage!

2009-02-20T21:09:00.004-06:00

I stole this marriage survey thingy from Mrs. Parton, because I too think it’s pretty cool. Yeah, I'm a Catie copy cat tonight, but... eh.

What are your middle names?

His: Thomas. Her's: Lynn

How long have you been together?

Married almost 1 month. Exclusive for 4.5 yrs. Wandering souls destine for each other: Life.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?

Tough one, but I guess if you want to get technical about it, about 2 months. There were pending commitments that had to be altered first.

Who asked whom out?

Not quite sure about this one. He was in the dorms, liked to cook and I had a kitchen...

How old are each of you?

Whose siblings do you see the most?

His

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?

At this point, I dont think that we're suppose to have any difficult situations. Yea, our pennies are a bit tight, but we're only at the start of our journey and since it's never been a determining factor in our happiness, I think that we're doing just fine.

Did you go to the same school?

HS: no. College: yes. RIT in Rochester. He: BFA in fine art photographic illustration. She: BS in print media.

Are you from the same home town?

Oh, heavens no! He: Worthington, Ohio. She: Albion, New York... Not sure, but thinking that they could not be any more different.

Who is smarter?

Sam. That was easy.

Who is the most sensitive?

Sam. That too was also easy.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?

La Kendall's. One of our favorite things to do together is cook. He usually does the main meat and I'm responsible for sides and dessert. We love using fresh ingredients, classic techniques and the beauty of great engineering when putting together a meal.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?

San Francisco, California. We spent two weeks there with his wicked awesome aunts, Lori & Tisa.

Who has the craziest exes?

That would be me.

Who has the worst temper?

Probably me. He's much more calm.

Who does the cooking?

See "Where do you eat out most as a couple?"

Who is the neat-freak?

Both of us, when we get a bee in our bonnets.

Who is more stubborn?

Me.

Who hogs the bed?

Me.

Who wakes up earlier?

Depends on the day.

Where was your first date?

My townhouse. He cooked for me and my then current boyfriend. Needless to say, that relationship did not last much longer... for a number of reasons.

Who is more jealous?

Depends on the situation, but probably me. He's more "concerned" than jealous as he puts it.

How long did it take to get serious?

At first sight. The very first time that I saw him I casually said to myself, "wow, I should probably break up with because that's the one." Just like I were to say that I needed to vacuum or something... His reaction was not much different. He supposedly saw me and said to himself, "there she is. that's my wife."

Who eats more?

Sam. He consumes about twice as many calories in a typical day than I do.

Who does the laundry?

Both of us (and his mom too...)

Who’s better with the computer?

We both have our strengths.

Who drives when you are together?

Sam will most of the time. I usually take the role of sleeping unless it's snowing and in which case I take on the part of the crazy, paranoid, control freak who's in the passenger seat biting my nails and praying for dear life.

Birth order?

Him: Last child. Her: middle child, but both second children.

Who reads more?

Sam.

Thanks, Rachel!

Erica's ABCs

2009-02-20T17:58:00.004-06:00

A is for apprehensive. The feeling that I live with 90% of my day.
B is for buckeys. The athletic affiliation that I have yet to become addicted to.
C is for chocolate. An ingredient that I used in last night's dessert however I have no idea how to pronounce it... Clafolis... anyone?
D is for death. The feeling that I have had lurking around me all this week... Can't quite figure out why.
E is for excitement. The emotion that I experience every time I look at Sam.
F is for fear. The feeling that controls all of us from every experiencing life to its fullest. Growing up has afforded me two things: wisdom and fear–I loath the latter.
G is for gratitude: What I feel for the blessings that have been bestowed upon me from someone far more knowledgeable than myself and the many chances that I have had...
H is for humility: A characteristic that I should really work on...
I is for idiot: Because I just had to go down the entire list of letters to figure out what was after H.
J is for juxtaposition. A word that is used far too often.
K is for Kendall. My new last name... that sounds funny... my new last name?
L is for lingering. A word that denotes way too many things on my to-do list for life.
M is for memory. Something I think I am losing.
N is for Nancy. A lady that I admire very much.
O is for ordinary. The kind of life that I lead and I try to fool myself into thinking that I don't.
P is for passive aggressive. A trait that I am desperately trying to overcome.
Q is for Quarizan. A company that has a cool name... sorta.
R is for running. The worst activity ever.
S is for simplify. Something I am whole-heatedly trying to do with my life, work, relationships and just about everything else that I touch and am touched by.
T is for trust. Something that lacks in anyone who is Italian... it's like it's a genetic deficiency. Sorry, we're just always skeptical–it's just who we are.
U is for underneath. Because there is always something looming underneath the surface just dying to come out.
V is for victorious. A feeling that I want Sam to know.
W is for wind. A power to bring about change and alter one's life course.
X is for xebra. God's gift to people who hate colorful patterns... Um... that would be me! Just give me black and white please :)
Z is for zooming. What Oscar the hamster does in his wheel every night.

ok... I think I got 'em all. Oh, and new hair... :)

Blog more, TV less

2009-02-15T12:24:00.002-06:00

I have always looked forward to Lent. I love the idea of start anew and the opportunity to make something better. I try to tackle something worthy every year–not give something up or deny myself, but add to what I already have. One year I gave up Law and Order, and the following year it was TV all together. Last year... well, I can't really remember. However, this year it is back to TV. However, there is a slightly different reason than the years prior. I am not getting stuff done anymore! Heavens to Betsy have I been lazy. I get home from work and literally sink into the sofa and before I know it's 10:30, Grey's is over and I've lost another night of precious time. This has go to stop. However, I do love to blog and even though I am not very funny or insightful, it does inspire thought and provoke me to step out of my routine.

Also, I get so much more satisfaction out of blogging than TV has ever come close to.

I know that it seems like I am substituting blogging for TV, and that might very well be. However, the activity of writing, allows me to gather, assemble and act on my ideas and thoughts. One of my stumbling blocks is my faith. Growing up Catholic, I've always felt the need to feel guilty for my lack of religious-ness, however at this point in my life I'm just kind of pissed at myself for not being the person I should be. So, to my adoring readers, please know that there will probably be some Jesus-talk in the posts to come.

Yippee for productivity! Wow! I have had waaayyyy too much coffee this morning!

EK

First Sunday with not a whole lot to do...

2009-02-08T16:13:00.004-06:00

Two random facts that have been floating around in my thinker today...

1. When my bff and I were in high school we had a crush on her neighbor Bobby. We both knew that he was an alcoholic jerk, but that didn't matter... we just like when he cut the grass... shirtless. To increase the probability of catching a glimpse of him we'd spread Miracle-gro on his lawn at night.

2. I have a very kind, loving and accepting husband. I know this because when I mentioned him possible using a "special Sammy pillow" due to his likelihood of becoming very warm at night and possibly sweating and the the interaction that might have with new beautiful sheets–he hardly batted an eye, simply smiled and said, "yes, Love."

The sun was smiling down upon me and I was granted these pretty photographs. Please download as a desktop background if you like. I'm feeling the need to have a reminder in front of me now that lent is quickly approaching.

Highly Note-worthy!

2008-12-01T22:07:00.003-06:00

I have glasses! (psst... look to the right of your browser) Yippee!

I have, well, wanted glasses since I discovered what they were but since I have 20/15 vision it was out of the question. In fact, for some reason, people with glasses continued to labor on and on about how much they hated their loathed spectacles. My guess is that it was merely a guise so that they could hold in all the awesomeness to themselves.

Well, ha! I win!! Since my vision is considered "super normal", I actually do need glasses - my eyes are working TOO hard, hence requiring glasses when doing certain activities.

Yippee Skippy!! My 24-year long battle with trying to convince people that I am glasses-worthy has indeed been conquered.

2008-12-01T11:49:00.002-06:00

There are not many things that I get anxious or tense about, but the finances are one of them (others include, poor typography, socks on the floor and tasteless knick-knacks). However, I think that I have come to some semblance of a mental turning point. We're okay - that's right, I said, we're okay. We pay our bills, we have a little mad money and we both have jobs!

I'm sure that most of my fears come from my father—he's Italian... need I say more? But I also think that there is a little part of me that needs to be uptight about some aspects of life.

Ever so often I get down about not having more, but lately I have been okay with what we have, and am happy about it. I do not think that Sam and I are the norm as far as couples go. We're pretty independent and work with what we have. Just knowing that I can fall asleep with this wonderful man next to me every night is more than I will ever need.

additional blessings :)

2008-11-09T21:00:00.001-06:00

The Bodells :)

picking the meat off the bone of my weekend

2008-11-09T19:49:00.003-06:00

I feel the urge to write about this topic, because no matter who I voice it to I can never quite make sense of it.

1. Sympathy
2. Nurse
3. Frustration

I do not do well in situations where I should feel pity, sympathy or sorrow for someone who is sick with a non-life threatening illness. It's almost like I do not have the necessary gene or chemical in my brain to bring about the proper response. Furthermore, I am a horrible nurse and always have been. I truly feel as if I lack something that should make me want to take care of those who need my pseudo-medical assistance. On top of these two obvious flaws, I also become frustrated when others coddle people to death when they are manageable ill.

Granted, I am not the type of person who is sick very often and have been remarkably healthy all of my life so I have a hard time relating to sickness, but I just cannot muster up those feelings towards those who are under the weather.

For me, I look at being sick as a 50/50 state. 50% is physical and 50% is mental/emotional. Undeniably, there are some situations where not becoming sick is not an option, (ie. a room full of sniffing toddlers) but I truly try to stay has healthy as possible. Part of that is making a sincere effort of keeping a good mindset about being sick. I want to be healthy, so I think that I am healthy. Vice versa, those who think that they are sick or think that they are becoming sick, usually do. I understand it that since our brain controls basically every movement, thought, involuntary action and just about everything else, how could it not help to prevent illness as well.

If I am sick, I will admit that I am not feeling well and allow myself to just exsit as sick for a short while until I feel better. My body is telling me that I am in need of something and therefore I just should just relax and let it take over.

I do not know if I am completely crazy for thinking that part of being healthy is having a healthy outlook on being, well... healthy. I think of our bodies as a single unit; working as one all of the time. Just look how stress effects the body: if one aspect of your life is stressful you may grind your teeth at night, gain or lose weight, have a hard time paying attention, frequently forget how to do normal tasks, lash out on loved ones as well as a number of other symtoms. Therefore it only makes sense to me that if a relatively simple thing like stress effects us in such a drastic way, how can having a poor perception of personal healthy be anything but what it is. Simply stated, if you think good, good will come to you and visa versa.

Please do not think of me as too harsh or cras. I do love those ones around me and want them to be as happy and healthy (in all aspects) as possible, but I become so annoyed with people who have such a poor outlook on being sick and just as much frustration for those who coddle and feed into such negativity.

I am sorry if I have offened anyone - feel free to let me know if I have. I'd love to hear your opinons and views, they only allow me to expand my horizons and become a more compassionate person.

blessings

2008-11-06T17:57:00.002-06:00

At this very moment, I am thankful for:
1. God 2. family 3. sam 4. his goofiness and smile 5. my job 6. sam's job 7. happiness 8. house-sitting 9. coffee 10. no tv 11. a quite house 12. the ability to love 13. autumn 14. upcoming nuptials 15. being relaxed 16. happy thoughts 17. the joy of a simple deep breath 18. woozie sweaters 19. comfy jeans 20. good friends 21. NPR 22. second chances 23. new beginnings 24. dorky movies like The Princess Bride 25. a sun porch 26. a positive outlook on politics 27. my laptop 28. finishing my work day at 3:30 29. Zen day at work tomorrow 30. smiles 31. a light heart 32. good health 33. embroidery 34. my cute penguin mug from Target...

just too many to count... :)

I'm sure that I should be doing something right now...

2008-10-28T16:55:00.002-05:00

Thank you, Michelle & Kyle :) You made my night!

zom•bie |ˈzämbē|
noun
1. (informal) a person who is or appears lifeless, apathetic, or completely unresponsive to their surroundings. Example: Erica's lack of enthusiasm and zest for life makes her indistinguishable from a zombie.

Apparently 3 months of time off is needed for one productive week of work. Last week I was all revved up to start working and this week, well... not so much. Goodness gracious. Let's hope that this is just a freak phase of exhaustion and will cease soon.

Ohh...

2008-10-26T21:49:00.001-05:00

Just kind of curious of any one actually reads my blog... that's all.

Comment if you do.

Thanks :)

Hugs,
Erica

The 4th Day

2008-10-23T18:19:00.002-05:00

Whenever I start to type in this little white box, I struggle with what exactly to express. Because this asynchronous and datable resource is a record of my thoughts, I try to not make assumptions and forecast regarding what I "love" or "hate" this very second. However, in some ways, the lack of emotion make it bland and common. The question ends up being: Do I type or do I hold back. What I convey makes me vulnerable to the reality of the future, but what I withhold smothers my emotions, experiences and outcomes, which combined together create the very life that I live. There is no one feeling, circumstance or truth that defines life, so is what I am withholding denying myself to what is life.

With that said, I truly like my job so far. I finally feel as if the work that I will be doing in the near future is truly meaningful and will literally contribute to the success of generations to come.

A little bit frightning...

2008-10-21T22:38:00.002-05:00

A very quick post to let ALL my adoring blupies (blog groupies) know that I have started working again. I am EXTREMELY fortunate to not only have found a job, but it is in my field and with a wonderful little company known as McGraw-Hill.

Here's where I am: McGraw-Hill > Educational Division > School Solutions Group > Art, Design & Photo > Social Studies discipline > Associate Image Coordinator. Whewww! :)

So far, so good. More to come!

Annoyed. Inspired. Concerned.

2008-10-16T00:35:00.002-05:00

We all watched the final debate tonight and I firmed up some of my opinions regarding the presidential election. I guess my biggest thing is how I imagine either one of them running the country in a couple of fast-approaching months. My greatest fear is the continuation of ineffective and unfulfilled policies and promises. Having a brother that served in Iraq and seeing what my mother went through for over a year has definitely changed my perspective on what I think of this war and what it was truly for. I am a strong supporter that the US should NOT be the world's policeman and in order for that to happen we need to depend on ourselves for products that we need including energy, manufactured goods and produce. With McCain being as far along in age as he is I feel my concern is valid as to what would happen if he were unable to act as president. Unfortunately I do not think that Palin has the knowledge, experience and most of all flexibility and open-mindedness to represent the views of our troubled nation. Issues seem to be so black and white (no racial pun intended) with her and it simply cannot be that way with such a diverse, intricate and complex country and populous. I have never been a fan of McCain and unfortunately the more I know of his plans the more I dislike what he proposes.

I have been a supporter of Obama for some time now and for a number of reasons, but first and foremost because I can see him being a great leader. This past couple of months has opened my eyes to a number of circumstances that I could never imagined had I not in the position that I am. Being unemployed has conjured up some tough times regarding self-worth, the effects of a depressed economy and the effects on its people and business, medical coverage and the rising cost of living. Sam and I have done very well at keeping a hawk-eye on our budget and not spending above our means; striving to make wise financial decisions for our future. We plan, we budget, we spend less and TRYf to save. However when the price of EVERYTHING is going up it is mathematically and logically impossible to stay afloat even when making many of sacrifices.

There are no doubts that what our fellow citizens have drawn us into will indeed take some time to mend - hopefully a long time. The unethical choices and horrendous decisions made by some very greedy people have allowed a portion of people to sink into holes that they will hopefully never forget. I hope this is a lesson for many people to learn. Neither Sam or myself have ever lead very exorbitant lives. We desire quality over quantity and will try to do something ourselves before paying someone else. We like small houses, cars, TVs and most everything else that people typically think bigger is better. I am not saying that we will not be effected by what is going on because of our views and outlook on life, but I hope that there is an overall encouragement for people to look at the cold, hard truths of life and the horrible effects of materialism. We are where we are because people simply do not have the ability to keep certain things in their pants - wallets. I would never.... haha!

As far as the bailout goes... I think that it was unfortunate that we need to take such drastic measures, yet absolutely necessary. I detest the idea of paying for others completely inexcusable, inane and idiotic decisions, but I also realize that if we do not take care of things now we will face much greater consequences in the near future.

And now I'm stepping off my soapbox.

A Change in More Than Just the Seasons

2008-10-13T20:34:00.002-05:00

I've always dreamed about being at this point in my life! It's just wonderful :)

However, there are a couple unexpected details that I had not thought of. 1. I prefer to listen to NPR! I want to go back to school just to continue learning! :)

In other news...
National Geographic is one of my homepages and I am continually astonished by the beautiful imagery that they produce. They are nice enough to make desktop-sized photographs for your viewing enjoyment.

Nat Geo Animal Patterns

Have fun!

Autumn Blessings

2008-10-12T22:14:00.002-05:00

Ahh...

Saturday was such a gift! Not only was it absolutely beautiful outside, but I was fortunate enough to spend just about every waking moment with my best friend doing what we love to do.

Three days this week Sam was up before 5:30a and didn't arrive home until after 8:30p. After flying through the door and around the table to grab a bite to eat he was upstairs finishing homework and studying for his test. While I know that these duties in life don't really top his list of "Loves" he somehow manages to handle them oh so well. Yeah for Sammy!

Saturday was our day and it could not have been better :)

The day was filled with lots of sunshine, a non-traditional picnic lunch, amusing moments and cheery photographs.

Story time!! Okay, Sam and I are both very accepting people and this story does not portray that we are not, however while we were at the park, we did both find it quite funny that the Muslim group a couple of picnic tables over from us was attempting to have a very "American" afternoon while Sam and I were hinting to the contrary. They were having a Barbecue. We were having a picnic with chardonnay, hummus, Kashi crackers, Genoa salami, strawberries and Greek yogurt (amazing, by the way!). I guess you had to be there :)

I am thankful for wonderful times with Sammy :) He's my favorite-ist!

I think it's that time again

2008-10-04T09:18:00.002-05:00

With Autumn definitely upon us, I am feeling the urge to snuggle up in my woozy hiking socks, comfy sweaters and start doing all the fun inside things that having 4 seasons in a year permits me to do. BLOG! Gosh, I am so very derelict in my duties, but I'm working on it.

This morning as Sam was getting dressed for work I groggily sat up in bed (mind you, it was 9:30!!) and lovingly said good morning in my scratchy, just woke up voice and proceeded to ask him a very important question. "Sammy, could I use your camera, today?" And to my sweet surprise he said, "of course." Whoa! Had I asked that same very questions just 4 short years ago, I am quite sure that he would have hesitated just a bit and then asked if he could graciously join me and of course make sure that I was not going to go shooting near any water, lava or cliffs for fear or hurting his precious camera.

I should not be so harsh, really I need not be. However, it does signify a great change in our relationship from then until now.

My sweet, sweet Sammy. I am so very happy to be yours. And yes, even though creepy, the guy in Whole Foods is indeed correct you are a lucky man as well.

In honor of my sweet, almost husband, I would like to propose a personal holi-month (holiday + month). I will call it, Happy I Sat Next To You month. Lots of happy couples have wonderful stories of how they met, but I personally like ours the best. It was the beginning of September-ish and I needed a class because one of mine was canceled at the last minute. American History was open, however it was from 6-10 on Thursday nights. Oh well. Come to find out those 4 hours every Thursday for 11 weeks turned into some of my favorite times. I sat down next to you, because I was running late as usual and it was the only soft chair left (4-hours in an unpadded chair can be brutal on the tush!) and just as those words ran through my mind, I looked up to who I would be sitting next to and saw your dear, sweet face and crazy hair. I calmly, rationally and bluntly said to myself that I should probably break up with what's-his-face because I was, well, for the lack of a better term, in love from the time that I saw you.

It should also be noted that Sam had a similar reactions, only his inside voice said something to the effect of, "there's my wife!" However, neclected to speak or look at me for the next 5 or six weeks!! Jerk head! Plastic shoe man!

Big hugs and lots 0 love to you, Sammy. You've made me a very happy girl.

Meet Nanook!

2008-08-08T13:57:00.003-05:00

Hi, I'm Nanook! I'm just one month old, and some would say that I have a slight nibbling fetish, but I just like to explore! However, don't bite Daddy's ear when he's sleeping... he jumps really high!

Anyways, here are some examples of what I like to eat...

Momma's flip flop...

my home... (i LOVE to climb, too!)

the camera strap...

I'm bein' sooooo good :)

Our friend Little Bear passed away a couple of weeks ago. Sam and I both miss our dear little one, but know that he is better where he is now, in awesome and loving hamster heaven :)

the fruits of my unemployment

2008-08-08T13:47:00.002-05:00

Below are my very first tart and croissants. I'm not sure, but I may have been french in another life.

Anyways, Sam and I are house-sitting for some friends and they have an absolutely awesome gourmet kitchen. These are two things that I have always wanted to make and this was the perfect opportunity.

I also made a lemon tart this morning, but had to scoot that off to church.

Watch out Wegmans! :)

Sam thought it was hillarous that I was smelling the wonderful aroma of the croissants. (P.S. a convection oven is the way to go it you want perfect pastries!)

finished product! time to eat it up!

Here's what unemployment looks like—it tastes great too!

you could deduce that I hate trees...

2008-07-06T21:45:00.005-05:00

with all the tissues that I've been using over the past couple of days.

I have a cold. A cold in the summer. A cold during a nice summer. A cold when I should be looking for a new job. A cold when I just moved to a new home. A cold when I want to feel wonderful.

:(

Content in Columbus

2008-07-02T21:30:00.003-05:00

Although I am fully aware that Columbus will most likely only be a waiting room for us while wait for our next adventure, I have found that calling this home has not been difficult at all. It truly feels so natural to be here.

This is a cake that Sam and I made together for the marriage of his aunts Lori and Tisa. In order for this cake to make much sense at all, you'd have to know their puppies Mel and Olga.

Lunch

2008-06-26T00:17:00.002-05:00

Being italian automatically insinuates that I have an inherent love of food—no denying that. Last week sometime when I spoke with one of my favorite italian men in the entire state of Illinois he suggested that we go to lunch to catch up before I leave for Ohio. I happily accepted since, well... he's Dino and I could not possible say no to the man that deemed me as the other "half-breed." Half the greatest nationality in the entire world and well... half... not. Oops! This is what I love about being italian... No matter the occasion, you eat. Funerals, holidays, made up holidays like St. Joseph's day or just because it's Sunday - that one's my favorite. Food, for us is like the lights on a Christmas tree (oh, yeah, we eat when we decorate the tree, too!)—it just connects everything and everyone together.

Unfortunately I was not able to have dinner with my favorite dago, but my favorite Irishman, Mr. Lobbsinger, was able to join my good friend Heather and I.

These awesome people have blessed my work life in so many ways and I am just so thrilled to have met and become such good friends with them. They are just "good people" as Dann refers to us as, and good people as what they are. I would even go as far as to say that they are great people.

I am having the most bittersweet of feelings right now...

Breaking up with Illinois

2008-06-23T23:37:00.006-05:00

Dear Illinois,

Things just really aren't working out that well between us. Yeah, there have been some good times, but I just feel like I do all the giving and frankly, I'm not too pleased with how things have progressed.

Positives:

1. The weather is much more mild than NY, but you guys gotta learn how to plow that snow - good grief! When some snow or rain comes along you people head for the hills like it's doom's day.

2. Shopping! Yeah yaaaaaa! Yeah, you've got it goin' on. I'll just leave it to that. But you drain me like it's no one's business.

3. Starbucks - there's practically one on every corner and I never have to strain my brain trying to think of the nearest one. Oh, caffeine, how i love thee.

4. Speed Limits, or the lack there of! While I like speeding as much as the next 24-year old female adrenaline old junkie, the poor ol' Saturn just can't handle it any more. It's conscience is really knocking on age's door and well... the thought of an exploding transmission on 88 in rush hour traffic and the wrath of all the minivans and middle-aged, middle managers is just something I'd rather not ponder about.

Negatives:

1. Wegmans. Yes, that is right... I've longed for my Wegmans. Yearned for it. Dreamt of it. Yey all you have is crappy Domincks and Jewel, which by the way is NO jewel.

2. Rent? What the crap is this, Illinois! 700 buck-a-roos for a mere 250 sq. ft.????!?!?! This isn't like leaving your "Sox" near the hamper or the towel on the bathroom floor. This is blasphemes!

3. Giant SUVs. I've already ranted on about this one... In one word... ah...Excessive!!!

4. Laundry. This kind of goes along with the whole rent thing. I just need something more... something that resembles my own washer and dryer while still being about to eat my Ramen noodles and store brand Insta-spuds.

5. Jerk police officers - yeah, you!

Yeah, so, Illinois... we've had some good times, but all in all, it's just not working for me. I need some stability. I need a state like Ohio. It offers me a good solid fanatical fan-base of Buckeyes, shopping comparable to that of yours, and oh did I mention Sam. Yeah, we've been together for a while now and I just think that he's a better long-term decision for me.

Hey, but on the up-side. Here's what I did get out of our relationship... My independence. But not only that, but I found what I was looking for. I know that I can do it. I know that I can live my life and take care of myself. It's a great feeling—I'll tell ya what! While I am no feminist, I can say that living on my own has certainly taught me that taking out the trash can be, at times, gratifying and just the thought that I can do it myself makes me a happy girl/woman.

Don't be sad, Illinois. You gave me something no one else could... to know what it was like to have to solely depend on myself. To love myself for myself. To stand tall and proud of the person I am. To defend my ethics, morals and intelligent compassion through my actions and my words. You gave that to me! And I could never repay for all that you've done.

Anyways... can we still be friends? I'll come back and visit—I promise. And hey, I might even end up moving back someday.

Yeah, this could have been us, Illinois :) (Courtesy of Arria)

Sincerely,

The girl that could have been yours

not quite sure

2008-06-23T22:24:00.003-05:00

I love the simple. Simple wardrobe (classic is well... always classic). Simple happiness. Simple love. Simple home. Simple life.

I do not truly thrive when life gets conflated and, well, dirty for the lack of a better word. A good example of this is my lack of an ability to follow a good, gossipy controversy. I.e. today at our production meeting, I was trying so desperately to follow a coworker's troubles with a logistics company that we use quite often. I know that I am leaving at the end of the week, but I truly care about what she is going through and want so bad to understand what the heck she's talking about, or more specifically, what the issue is. It's not that I do not understand the issue - that is not the problem. It's that I can't follow the who said what and all the he said she said stuff. My head just starts to spin and I swear that I must be sweating bullets! My brain goes into overdrive, my sight narrows, all of my attention is focused on what she is trying to convey to us. I guess there are two ways of thinking about this. Either I understand the drama and chalk it up to be of little interest of me and cannot see the big whoo-haa or maybe I'm truly missing something... I have yet to figure this out. However, despite the over-understanding or complete lack of it, I still get slightly frustrated by it all and I am pretty sure that it I continue to not understand this concept of drama they may take away my woman card and deem me as unworthy to bare the gender.

We've Got a Sick One on Our Hands

Soooo... someone decided to try to pass some kidney stones. Hmmm—I can only image who might be trying to do this. His name has three letters and it starts with an 'S'. Oh, yes, that would be Sam, my on again (this time it's for good —until we get married, that is) fiancée. Nice try, Hon, but I'm moving this weekend and well, these arms not going to move that sofa by themselves. Actually, he's quite a sick kid... Good thoughts and smiles are always welcome. I promise, they'll make him feel better :)

It's A Date!!

Oh, my! Ladies and gentlemen! They have a date! It only took her a year to settle on! It's January 24th! Yeah :) I'm gonna be a Kendall! Oh, and speaking of Kendalls... congratulations to my soon-to-be aunties, Lori and Tisa! I am so trilled for you both!

Update

2008-06-15T22:37:00.004-05:00

Whewwww... It's been a while...

Alrighty! Here's the scoop. I'm moving to Columbus to be with my future husband and in-laws. I don't currently have a job lined up, but I am a woman of faith and I believe that something will find me.

The reason(s). 1. Ahhhh... I want to be with my soon-to-be husband (we're thinking that a winter wedding will be nice). 2. I desperately tried to establish a life for myself, but found that without family, a 2-income household and having a less-than-great working situtation that life was just not as happy as it could be.

Anyways... the move date is June 28th.

PS. Linds and Michelle... I've been meaning to say this for like a month... I totally get the whole minivan thing :) love ya!

right on target

2008-05-30T23:42:00.005-05:00

While I was strolling through Target to find an all-in-one home and car charger for both my iPod and Blackberry I may have meandered towards the clothing section of the store. However, the purchasing of the clothes nor of the electronics was as entertaining as the the conversation that I heard on the journey across the store.

Location: Mens' Undergarments

Subjects: Most likely husband and wife of 30+ years.

Words: Wife, "Which ones do you want?" Husband, "What the heck do I care? You're going to say 'no' anyways"

Actions: Wife painstakingly focused on picking the perfect next Fruit-of-the-Loom 3-pack of boxers for her husband.

This, to me, was just absolutely classic on a number of levels. A-Underwear is the closest thing to our body all day long besides that gross (yet somehow intoxicating) "musk" that our beloved men acquire from working outside and she cares more about the manties (panties for men) than he does. B-The look of deliberation on her face said it all - she really does think that this decision is important. Point being that we women are concerned with the littles while most men are focused on the big. While this seems petty and I'm sure that I could just as easily make light of this incident more so than I have already, it shows that it truly takes a good mix of both perspectives to bring out the good in life.

Untitled

2008-05-18T13:28:00.004-05:00

Ideas as short as my attention span...

1. My one-room apartment is no place for a designer who strives for clean lines and simple elegance. Likewise, my one-room apartment is no place to me either. After nearly a year of living in Illinois, I have decided that the lonesome life is not for me. While I continually struggle with the ideas that float in my heart and in my mind, I know with certainty that I am not destine to live merely with my thoughts.

2. Hair-raising. Thought-provoking. Detest. Contempt. These are words that come to mind when I think of Elmhurst.

3. I believe in intelligent design. With that said, if americans were a species of our own, I am certain that we are the most basic, un

organized, unintelligent, undeveloped kind of organism on earth. Harsh? Yes, those very words my hurt some. Examples of my words: we, as a society, buy huge "it-makes-me-feel-safe" vehicles

when the price gasoline is sky-rocketing, visible signs of global warming become increasingly evident daily and our credit-based economy has had the floor taken from under its feet rather than pressure car companies to pursue alternative methods of fuel. The United States is the only developed nation that has chosen not participate in the Kyoto Treaty nor have we established proposed fuel reduction

goals such as other countries that we, as americans consider to be third-world such as China and Korea.

4. I do not like big furniture, houses, beds, cars, pillows, diamonds, bathtubs, stuffed animals, photographs or anything that promotes quantity above quality.

5. Duckies!

What?!

2008-05-11T15:04:00.005-05:00

While driving home from visiting a friend this past Saturday I was stopped at a traffic signal. With a look to my right and then to my left I experienced a wave emotions ranging from sadness to pure and outright anger. To my right, a gas station with the price of petro quickly approcaching $4/gallon. To my left, a couple test-driving a Nissan Armada. Yup, that is quite right. While the jaw dropping price of gas makes most of gasp, this family is considering the purchase of this enormous, gas-hogging vehicles to probably taxi their two children to soccer practice and preschool. In two words I can describe this occurrence: unnecessary and ignorant.

Of course, I get it. Our society ingrains that bigger is better, but I completely disagree. I could throw facts and figures your way, but the fact is, we as Americans abuse almost every resource we are given. From buy-more-save-more specials at the grocery store to giant pillows (speaking of, over-sized pillows; I am quite sure the only reason that we need pillow of this size is to compliment out our giant sofas, yet another instance of materialism).

We accept these ideas and item because they surround us, but are these things necessary?

• SUVs, minivans/or basically anything bigger than a car for a typical family.

• Huge homes for the average American family of 3.14 persons.

• Fast-food portions

• Huge, faux jewelry (we all know that you cannot afford a 4-carat diamond ring when you have a huge monthly payment on that SUV of yours—you're not foolin' anyone, okay.)

• Sam's Club / Costco / BJ's Wholesale / Gordon Food Supply (restaurants and food pantries excluded)

• King-sized beds

• 18oz margaritas (by the way, there are enough calories in that to technically account for all of your daily recommended intake)

• Printing your emails (emphasis on the "E," as in electronic!!)

• Truly the list could and will go on...

While I am on my soapbox, please feel free to use the image below in the signature of your emails. I created it to pass along to others. I feel that it is a more polite way of saying, "stop printing your damn email!"

new book!

2008-05-11T14:45:00.002-05:00

Do you despise ignorant phrases? Trite sayings? Verbs derived from nouns that have no business being such? Melodramatic and unnecessary exaggerations? Work-world redundancies? Insincere and overused strings of words that are supposed to make us feel better?

Well, then do I have the book for you!

Accuweather.com editor, Paul Yeager, has compiled an entire book of these horrible abuses of the English language. If you appreciate well-written English, have a slightly sarcastic sense of humor and tend to read and reread your coworkers' emails for grammatical errors, I would recommend this as the next addition to your personal library.

2008-05-09T20:24:00.007-05:00

One time I was sitting at my desk while working in the National Insitute for the Deaf Dean's Office.

I received a phone call. It was a Rochester Police Detective.

After the woman mentioned her name and where she was calling from I, for one tiny instance thought that she wanted me to help her solve a murder.

I was wrong. All she wanted was an interpreter. My dreams were crushed. Then I realized that the only experience that I have with police investigation is through Lenny, my hero.

In that second, that tiny little second, I made the decision that watching too much Law and Order can, indeed distort your view of reality. Nevertheless, I was thrilled for that brief span of time where I thought I was an actual detective.

And that is why you love me, Samuel Thomas Kendall.

trivia night

2008-04-29T20:18:00.005-05:00

Tonight is the night that I test the amount and accuracy of my useless knowledge. That's right—it's pub trivia night at Ballydoyle's.

Trivia makes me happy. Trivia is the spice of the intellectual world—the rainbow sprinkles in a sea of nuts, if you will. The great thing about trivia, is that we all know something interesting. Like, did you know that Io, one of the four moons of Jupiter, is the most volcanically active area in our solar system? Or, that hydrogen bonding is the essence of paper. You get the idea...

Like like spice. It makes me happy, and for me, spice is what makes life so worth living.

Watch out Trebek!

My First Pie :)

2008-04-27T23:37:00.001-05:00

the mall

2008-04-05T17:32:00.003-05:00

The post will start out sort of gloom and doom, but I promise, I will make it uplifting and button it up at the end.

As some of you may know, I loath [to the infinity power] mediocrity, therefore, the mall is a very testing experience for me. I live in Elmhurst, an upscale community just busting at the buttons with normalcy. I work in Oakbrook Terrace, an even more upscale, small yippy dog-toting [in Louis Vuitton, of course (p.s. I had to google how to spell that)], giant luxury SUV-driving com-residential [commercial and residential] neighborhood, also, of course, stuffed with middle-ness. I'm sure that these two places in which I spend so much of my time are not the norm of America because of their higher per capita income, but from a different perspective am pretty sure that they are not all that far off in terms of a general atmosphere in which we are all surrounded by.

This middle ground, mediocre, normal, complacent life gets to me not because of the good that it represents, but more so the fear that it encompasses. A fear to live one's life for themselves, to follow their heart, to freely emotionally breathe and follow one's dreams.

When I talk to Sam and I refer to a "minivan," it is not the vehicle I am referring to. It is the very lifestyle where people feel as if they need, must and desire to be so "in the middle" that they have lost a perspective of all that is truly good in and on this earth. As individuals we are guaranteed by God a life that is full of choices—this embodiment of choices is known as our freewill. Please, my friends, live life. Do good not because it is what is expected of you, but because it what you know and feel in your heart. Fear not the rejection of others, be steadfast, stay strong and have faith that your heart will always guide you where you need to be.

I read a very funny blog called "Stuff White People Like". This blog humorously illustrates what I mean when I say, "minivan." If you can relate with my words on this page, I'm sure you'll find this as satisfying as I do.

sometimes....

2008-04-04T20:37:00.005-05:00

Sometimes I think life is cheating on me... You know—it's horrible feeling in your gut when you just know something is wrong, but can't figure out what it is and then all of a sudden it happens and you confirm what you've known all along.

I do really try to keep my posts upbeat and happy, but lately it has been increasingly difficult to continue the happy-go-lucky type of attitude when I'm not so happy nor have I been so lucky.

The scientist inside tells me that speaking in terms of probability, something good has to happen eventually. The optimist within tells me everything will be O.K. The spiritualist reasons that there is a balance to all parts of life; specifically that there is a time to reflect and a time to act. However, it is the Believer in me that truly knows that whatever I am going through, good, bad or indifferent, at this point in time does indeed have it's purpose and life is going along just the way it is supposed to.

I know that I sound a friggin Hallmark card and I apologize...

P.S. — I can't seem to lose like these 2 pesky pounds I've been hanging on to since last month... grrr. I think my words to a co-worker summed it up yesterday. As I'm walking out the door to go the B & N for lunch across the street, I put on my sunglasses and said out loud, "I'm having a Jackie O type of day!" She joyfully agreed much to my delight. While this was initially in reference that my dress, hair and sunglasses were of 'Jackie O' likeness, I was really feeling like the world was not being very fair to me at the present moment and as I forcefully place my oversized, yet classic sunglass on my face I was actually hiding behind them because those are just the types of days I've been havin!

P.P.S. — If at this very moment you're thinking about stalking me, just stop right now. Thanks, but no thanks...

ouch!

2008-02-15T22:38:00.002-06:00

As I steadily creep closer towards true adulthood, I find myself losing what I once treasured. Self. While this may sound like a very in-depth topic, and it is one that I contemplate on a very regular basis (self identity and such), this post will merely deal with the literal bumps and bruises of childhood.

As my parents, relatives, fellow peers and others can attest, I was NOT a careful child. Not only was I not very cautious, but I tented to be slightly (ok, very) clumsy. Luckily, God prepared both my parents and myself with a rugged and sturdy frame. As a child, when I found myself hurt, I just got up and moved on. No ice, ibuprofen, or rubbing was needed, I just got up and carried along.

Tonight I was standing in front of the mirror. Just starting at myself - not out of vanity, but mere curiosity. I said to myself, "Can I still do a back bend?" Well it turns out that I can! But I did not learn this until I got over my fear. Fear - this whole fear thing is new to me! Truly it is.

Next i asked myself if I could do a hand-stand. Needless to say, I cannot. Actually while attempting to perform this trick, I actually managed to crack my head on the cement door frame. I'm fine, minus the bruise that is forming, but it made me realize that I have not hurt myself out curiosity in a while. When did this lack of fear and curiosity leave me? Why do I fear failure? As i sat there on the floor, I waited for the pain. As an adult I knew that it would hurt, but the pain was far less than my anticipation of the full effect. The pain was nothing... I have a hard head (apparently I didn't loose that in college). It was the anticipation of the pain that paralyzed me.

To be honest, it feel good to be whacked on the head. While my childish stunt may have caused a bruise on my head, I'm fine, both physically and emotionally. As an adult, maybe I should work harder to stop anticipating what I might feel - because as tonight proved, my curiousity actually taught me something. However, this has always been my way of living... I just have to jump in, head first!

David and Goliath

2008-02-11T19:21:00.000-06:00

As many of you know, at time my attention span is very short, however I do enjoy learning and reading very much. A recent find at of my favorite Barnes & Noble is the perfect answer to this. The book is called The Intellectual Devotion. The 7 topics discussed are history, music, philosophy, science, religion, visual arts and literature. I highly recommend it for anyone finding themselves seemingly becoming less intelligent by the hour at a job that is less than stimulating at times.

I have always known the concept of David and Goliath, but had never actually read the whole story. However, when I did, I realized that it conformed rather nicely to an aspect of my life that i've been struggling with to define. I have a battering ram in my life, unfortunately. She's a bully and tends to make life hell for those who cross her or who she just simply does not like. I don't/can't operate like that... it's so foreign to me, but I think that in the end I'll find myself as King David did.

ha! riiiiiight!

2008-02-10T17:11:00.001-06:00

a sense of feminine beauty

2008-02-10T15:10:00.000-06:00

Delicacy, compassion, softness, tenderness and love are all virtues of a woman, along with many more. From time to time I forget that, as a woman, it is somewhat my responsibility to soften the harshness of my surroundings.

However, that is not to say that being a woman means being devoid of strength, wisdom, intelligence and honor.

just another day

2008-02-09T10:46:00.000-06:00

For those of you who know me, you know that I have always struggled with my weight. The very first time that I realized that I was "fat" was the the beginning of 7th grade - I was 12. Only thing was, I was not really "fat". I just did not look like everyone else - or so I think/thought. Being a very visually picky person I have always criticized my own body in a very harsh manor, like so many women do, but with me it is/was something that I could not shake. You see, not only am I very visually picky, but I have not always had the greatest self-esteem and still struggle with that today. Those two things combined are like bleach and ammonia (making mustard gas) are debilitating to a girl/woman in our society. (Speaking of... I have a comment to make that pretty much sums our society and weight issues... fast food is cheaper by the day, and mannequins are smaller than ever. How does that make any sense?)

On skinny people: I do not despise skinny or small people. Gosh, my mom is one of those people. And while there are more woman who wish that they were very small, it is just as hard for small woman to find clothes as it is for woman who are slightly bigger. Think of it as a balance scale - an exact middle is so, very hard to come by.

why am I talking about weight today, you ask? Welllllll... I will tell you. Today is the day that I have reached my goal, physically that is (we're still working on the whole mental and emotional part of things). Today is the day when I weighted myself and was 133.4lbs. This is the 50lb marker for me. Two Septembers ago I was 183-185lbs. Therefore, in about a year and 5 months, I have achieved my physical goal.

This is great and wonderful, but to be honest it is not about the lbs - it really has a lot more to do with my mental state. While I am proud of my accomplishments physically, I am much more uplifted by the mental feats that I have tackled. I can now eat in good proportion, whatever the food. I drink a lot of water - though I still have to force myself. I eat a lot of veggies (steamed broccoli is my favorite). However the thing that I am most proud of is that I have learned how to lose weight without puking my food back up. At one point in time during high school I was approximately 110lbs. This, for me, was/is scary. I was an athlete and generally just should never be that small - ever! Just to give perspective - my neck was so small that it barely looked like it could hold up my head. Regardless, this is the thing that I cherish the most. However, I am not perfect. From time to time, mostly when I am stressed I, still do resort to my old ways, but am quick to realize that it is not healthy and it does nothing good for my mental state. I am where I am today, because I was able to take control of my mental health (bulimia, chronic depression and anxiety).

I am forever grateful to Sam. The best friend, soul-mate and my soon-to-be husband that has endured the tears, the struggles, and the sad days all the while still loving, supporting, uplifting and motivating me through it all.

Thank you to my father. Although it was hard for me to hear, thank you for telling me that I was not looking very healthy and did not want me to struggle with the difficulties of losing weight when age takes its toll.

Thank you, mom. For continually supporting me and always sharing in the small stepping stones along the way. I could tell her that I lost .5lbs and she'd still tell me how great of an accomplishment it was. My mom is one of my best friends - no doubt about it. She's the person that has had the most influence on my character - a character that I am very pleased with. Granted I can always improve, but her happiness and strength is truly amazing.

Lastly, thank you to everyone who made even one little comment to me about me looking nice - it may not have been a monumental speech, but it meant the world to me. Thank you!

I still have a long road ahead of me, realizing that I now can be confident, but we're getting there... tbc...

Pinky, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

2008-02-06T18:11:00.001-06:00

Okay, so those of us who were forced to watch cartoons as children (I hated everything except CareBears) will recognize this saying from Pinky & the Brain if you are about my age. Regardless, I heard this saying so many times that I'm sure that even if I were struck by a bus and rendered comatose I will still have this saying in my reserve.

However, it connects to something I'd like to get off my chest. World domination. That's right, I said world domination... and I have a plan. Four letters - S N O W. Snow is the key, or at least it is here. Let me explain my plan. I will somehow make it snow for 1 entire day in Chicagoland and the world will me mine. So now that you're scratching your head because my plan may not make sense to someone who, say, was raised in western new york, I'd like to invite you to come to Chicago. Snow renders these people completely useless. In the past two weeks I've been excused from work early because of the "treacherous" weather. The weather is mild, at best, and is by no means intolerable to a seasoned New Yorker growing up near Buffalo.

See, now things all make sense. World domination is quite easy - just think S N O W.

I will leave the issue of driving to another post, but I simply cannot understand the mental block that some have regarding the weather in the midwest. Take it slow, assume that it will take longer to get to where you're going and what you're doing, and finally, accept that it's cold outside because it's WINTER!

In all honesty, I blame the weathermen (or persons). I think that they were just sick of the attractive, young, perfectly groomed lead female anchor and the handsome, energetic, dapper, just-out-of-school-frat boy sportscaster getting all the attention. The weatherman faced a dilemma and were seriously attention-deprived. They had to make their lives more exciting and the only way they could think of was to scare the pants of the views/listeners (for those of us who do not own a TV - but then again, I don't have a working car radio either... but, hey(!) I don't really pay attention to the overly and unnecessarily dramatic news, oh yeah) and make them believe that life will stop by giving storms by names and predicting horrible conditions with those tickers on the bottom of the TV or in my case, on my widget dashboard.

The moral of the story - give love to your weatherman so that they will stop predicting "extreme" weather and can bring the weather alert back to green.

Speaking of alert systems, I think that a weather alert system is a lot more practical than a terrorist/homeland security alert system denoted with meaningless colors. We should use levels like "involuntary vehicular man slaughter, involuntary man slaughter, man slaughter, second and first degree" as opposed to colors. Colors cannot simply describe the threat level like these can. Okay, back to the weather alert system, any ideas as to what we should use for the levels?

Now that I have truly rambled on for too long, I'll leave you with your thoughts and please comment as to how we should denote the levels for the proposed weather alert system or WAS as I like to refer to it.

Erica Happiness Factoid:

• I found awesome shoes for the the Chicago Auto Show (my up and coming black tie event) for 50% off at Macy's.

• I tried on a $16,000.00 mink coat. All I can say is, "wow!!". Not that I'll ever have the money to buy said coat, and nor would I spend that money, if I had it, on a thing that killed a really cute and furry animal, but it was amazing nevertheless.

• I'm wearing my prom gown to the show. For those of you who do not know, I've lost 49lbs in the last year in a half and this is a very happy moment for me. P.S. - dealing with my weight has always been an issue for me. Thank you to Sam, my mom and Dad and all of those who helped me reach my goal - I am eternally grateful :)

Not-cool Factoid:

• I receive another student loan bill (it went to my parents' home) that was due in December. Yeah, that was very much NOT awesome!

ahhh...

2008-02-03T18:10:00.000-06:00

This past week has consisted of:

Monday AM: meeting with bosses - less than great.

Tuesday: work work work... and then a wonderful bottle of wine from Sam! Thank you times a ba-jillion to the infinity power.

Wednesday: work, work, some success, volleyball (wonderful, much needed time out), no sliding across 3 lanes of traffic on 88 (whewww...)

Thursday: yes, more work..., but we left early because of the "big" snowstorm - suuuuuure.

Friday: sick as a dog (whatever the heck that means)

Saturday: sleep

Sunday: church, sunday school with a less than cooperative class with a kid that reminded me of one of exs. I know that he can't help who he reminds me of, nevertheless he still made me sick.

yes!

2008-01-18T23:04:00.000-06:00

I am truly inspired by three things in life - happiness, good fortune and humility. Happiness, because it comes from the most undefinable elements in life. Good fortune for its ingenious ways and timing. And finally, humility for its great power to cause the two aforementioned items.

I have been desperately seeking for the above words for literally months and they finally came to me.

Speaking of good fortune - I finally bought a skirt that I have been eyeing for a couple of months or so from Banana Republic. Officially it was $108, then $89, then $69 and finally...$39! Yes, I know - $39 for a simple skirt is kinda a stretch, but it has character and it is definitely me and I'm pretty sure that we were meant to be together.

In other news, I have been honored (at least in my mind) for the obsessive use of my Blackberry! My cubicle-mate has asked that I help his wife and her newly acquired Blackberry find an understanding. Hurray for Blackberrys (I think that the proper grammar) everywhere and their faithful, often obsessed users!!

harmful assumptions

2008-01-16T23:23:00.000-06:00

I may not be overly loud, but I have thoughts and some of them tend to be intelligent. I may not look happy all of the time, but that does not mean that I am ungrateful. I may not yell and scream, but that does not mean that I am not sensitive. Assumptions are potentially harmful and as luck has it, if you assume it, it will be the exact opposite. Life says, "that's how I roll."

I believe that there is more to be said for those who do not speak that then ones to have an outward opinion about all. I believe that there is, in deed, a time to speak, so make it count and that we're not required to have a side to every story or corner of the ring.

The less vocal of the world are not ignorant, but choose to be guarded with their words. Vociferousness, often times is an over compensation tactic for poor judgement, a lack of maturity, attention-starved, unintelligence or all of the above.

The word we share effect those around us. The life that we create is molded by the balance of inward and outward interactions with the world that we choose to disclose.

Please be kind with your words and actions. They often ripple far beyond your wildest imagination.

my wish granted

2008-01-15T19:14:00.000-06:00

Last night when I arrived home I was somewhat bitter. Not too much, but enough to realize that I was not in a good mood. All I wanted was for someone to be my friend. With Sam in Rochester and basically everyone that I have ever known my entire life over 600 miles away lonliness is not very hard to come by. All I wanted was someone else to talk to - preferably I did not know too well. After saulking the entire night, Sam called at about 11:30 my time. He received some potentially bad news and we talked it over and discussed what had to be done, so I was glad that I wasn't a complete waste.

Today my wish was granted. Someone talked to me! No a coworker, and the conversation was not about work - just what I had asked for! I've been working to prepare our company website - a task admittedly more difficult than I had anticipated or hoped for. Nevertheless, my due date to have the site published and live is Friday, January 25th. Most of the site is complete except for the most important parts - the home page and the samples page. So therefore, I guess it isn't so complete.

My days now, absolutely fly by. I feel like I am at work for seconds it seems. To try to get slightly ahead I worked until about 6:15 or so tonight. During my time I met our cleaner. I do not know his name, but I do know that he immigrated here from Poland and is 63 years old. We had a lovely conversation about the country, both old and new and life.

My wish was granted - his absolutely genuine heart and gracious words were more than I could have ever hoped for. I may stay after work more often...

i like this...

2008-01-14T19:30:00.000-06:00

"I discovered early on that André and I had a very similar approach to spending. Neither of us had a car. We did not own real estate. We didn't spend much on clothes. We rarely went to the theater or concerts. We didn't art or expensive furniture or large television or sound systems. We spent money on two things: food and something we soon named "everyday luxury." Under this heading fell things like eight-dollar toothpaste. Yes, toothpaste can be had for a quarter of that, but we decided that if it increase our love of life at least twice a day, it was worth it. The softest underwear. Good coffee, butter, jam, and mustard. Cabs. Flowers. Slab bacon. triple-ply toilet paper. Big, fluffy towels and bathrobes. Magazine subscriptions. Guff links and silver bracelets. Wine. Day trips. Of course, everyday luxury is in the eye of the beholder. For some people, it might be boxed cereal, a dye job or day care. For others, it might be a private jet or Calder mobile." - P.Damrosch, Service Included

oh, mondays

2007-12-17T19:47:00.000-06:00

A strange coincidence is taking place about the cubicles, fax machines and candy bowls of the office I work in. A certain coworker who is up to their normal, difficult ways and a client of ours that was once wonderful to work with is now, well, to be mild - difficult.

I'm not entirely sure when this sank in, but when I was growing up my mother would constantly remind my brothers and I to think about walking in someone else's shoes. Now at that time I thought about walking in my dad's shoes merely because the idea of wearing big shoes was somehow strangely amusing, but nevertheless I understood what she was trying to say.

____ is a good person. She works hard to make sure that her clients are always satisfied, but how do you fulfill the needs of someone that is obviously unsatisfiable. Simply said, I do not know. But wait... then I step back and realize that those people choose to be they way they are and the fact of the matter is, every office has one (or two, or three, or a whole friggin floor) of them. Some people do not wish to be happy - It is a personal choice. However, that does not make it easier for us. I think a great deal of frustrations stems not from the inability to make another human happy, but by failing to help find what that person is looking for.

I do so hope that this person finds what they are looking for. I want them to experience the love and joy that simple life has to offer.

In other news... my roommate and I are very different, but I think that we're actually starting to become better friends. I made him laugh today and making people laugh make me a happy, just-out-of-college, inexperienced, no-nothing, chip-on-her-shoulder girl.

Car Wash Confusion

2007-11-19T20:50:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I despised the movie, but this is quite funny.

Sunday School

2007-11-17T22:56:00.000-06:00

In a mere 12 hours I'll teaching a 3rd grade Sunday school class for the church I joined...

Funny how my perception of those couple hours after church as changed in such a short period of time....

To Serve

2007-11-08T23:34:00.000-06:00

I received some awesome news today! I'll be substituting for a Sunday School class this, well... Sunday! How neat is that!?!? Ohhhhkay... I know what you're thinking, but I truly am excited about this one. I've been asked to serve, not in court or greasy food, but for God.

There truly is no greater pleasure in life than to serve.

the wedding binder

2007-11-04T21:50:00.000-06:00

Above is a picture of the wedding binder that I have created. Created, that's right I said CRE-ated - like with my own two hands and über creative thinking.

At one point in my life, I worked at a certain place of employment with a certain annoying coworker. Prior to me "joining" the team my coworker became engaged. Wonderful, perfect, exhilarating, great... ANNOYING! All day long she talked about her wedding and how perfect it was going to be. And if she wasn't talking about planning her wedding she was discussing how "petite" she was or how wonderful her soon-to-be-husband was. Needless to say, I brought my headphones to work because the sound of her voice soon became something comparable to, well, nails on a chalkboard.

I don't talk about my wedding at work - unless some asks me. I simple cannot stand the idea of creating as much pain and suffering for someone that I work with, whether I like them or not, to talk endless about my wedding.

Okay, okay, okay... on to the binder. Long ago Sam and I decided that we wanted a simple wedding... nothing fancy - really. I have put of setting a date for a while (my excuse of a new job, city and state have not worn off...) but now it's time to get down to business. So with this mindset I decided I needed a good ol "wedding binder". I've looked around in stores, but to be honest they are not that appealing to me. They all say "high maintenance, over-priced, princess weddings" and for goodness sake, that is just not me or us. So I made my own.

My "happy day" organizational book is a reused binder from my not-so-long-ago college days. Heaven knows I have enough of them. I covered it with a paper bag from the grocery store (like back in junior high with your textbooks) and cut out a bushel of apples and a little piece of paper that says, "our happy day book". Voila! I have a wedding binder! I found a generic wedding planner on marthastewart.com, printed it out and crossed off a whole bunch of things that are simply not necessary for our happy day (ie videographer, ring pillow, flower girl accessories and calligrapher).

Anywhoooo...

2007-10-07T02:54:00.000-05:00

Sam and I love God's little creatures...

This is a cute, little film about a very intelligent little "Squeak"!

Link back to this site for more cute squirrel stuff - sure to break a smile on even the bluest of days.

http://www.scarysquirrel.org/special/movies.htm

Team: Drama... I'm always the last kid picked :(

2007-10-03T17:44:00.000-05:00

I blame my mother! She's the one who was so un-dramatic and this is all her fault. All I want is to live, breathe, gossip and complain like normal women, but I can't. I just can't make a mountain out of a molehill. Thanks, MOM! Really...

NOT!

they've done it!

2007-10-01T21:35:00.000-05:00

This is most definitely deserving of its own post! Take a looky here!

I've found the most amazing product! It combines a plush comfy bottom to walk on all the while toning those hips, thighs and calves. That's right... it's the FitFlop! www.thefitflop.com.

They've done it! Truly they have! There is now a product that combines comfort and exercise - and it comes in the form of a sandal.

In the words of Clara from Back to the Future 3, "I've seen some whoppers in my day, but I..." Truly, they are marketing this as an exercise apparatus and it slogan is "It's the flip flop with the gym built in". IT'S A SANDAL and walking is a form of physical activity! The fact that someone has actually combined the two is NOT novel, but really a knock on anyone who purchases these or any other "magic sandals, shoes, or sneakers". Heck, I could walk in my bare feet and still "tone" the lower half of my body.

Really, com'on! I'm practically speechless... with the exception of these few brief words :) Enjoy!

Sodium Stearate and Glycerin

2007-09-30T01:24:00.000-05:00

What in the hell do sodium stearate and glycerin have to do with me - anyone?

In a word, well two, everything and nothing.

Funny things happen when boys have way too much time on their hands - especially gigantic dorks who spends hours on end comparing and researching shaving soap. What, you believed shaving with soap was bad? Oh, do we need to talk. I might be tempted to throw a badger at you!

As far as nothing was concerned with the links between sodium stearate, glycerin and ourselves, one doesn't have to think much. It's pretty evident, at least to one whom has as many dork points accumulated as myself. They are not the key to world peace or educating beauty pageant contestants. An in reality have nothing to do with anything.

Yet, those two simple ingredients have everything to do with life and living. It's really easy for people to lose themselves amongst the chaos of life - I am very much included in that category. However, the essence of existence will perpetually slam itself into our consciousness whether we like it or not. I am far away from my life right now. I am certainly living, breathing, doing -but not living. I need her to truly be living. I can walk just as tall, I can stink just as bad but I need those eyes, for without those I have no purpose, no validation.

How in the hell did I ever come across sodium stearate and glycerin is a story, but not a long one. Not a fantastic one, but rather a simple one. If one was to attribute attributes to a void, you might come across words like, nothing, empty, blank... the list could go on indefinitely. Yet, that's a bunch of crap... a void is everything - it just engulfs all that reside within it.

Enter my life. I have school. I have work. Each of which could fill up a week pretty will in their singularity; coupled together equates to a hot mess of angst, worry and apprehension. Still, I find myself with time everyplace. I cannot deal with time and its stagnation - that is all that occurs; it just meanders from one second to the next, producing ill regard for perceived consistency and stomping on emotion. So I feed the void. It is all I can/know how do. The emptiness that inhabits her side of the bed will consume me if I do not feed it. I feed it. I feed it research. I feed it contemplation. I feed it everything I have, except that which is not mine to give - my heart and solemn promise of love and devotion.

Both sodium stearate and glycerin are pretty simple by themselves - not much to mention in conversation certainly, but within shaving soap, one could posit that these are the catalyst for bliss. Without these components shaving soap does not function, it does not exist.

Without her smile, without her eyes, I do not exist...

Except in a world where discovering both sodium stearate and glycerin are the bright spots of your day.

I do not need shaving soap.

I need her.

i'm sneaky

2007-09-29T23:45:00.000-05:00

Look, it's Little Bear here and I've just got one thing to say. Her posts are boring! All this talk about life and whatever is just mundane and bores me to TEARS! We're gonna spice things up a bit - if ya know what I mean.

Like I said, my name is Little Bear - LB for short and I run this studio while my dad is in NY. My mom is so nice and sweet with her blogging, but I know the real her! She's punchy and always has something to say. I keep telling her she's gotta stick up for herself everyday before work, but she refuses to listen.

Oh, just to let all the lovely ladies know - I AM available. I am 6 inches long and .4lbs. I am almost three years old [November 15] and live with my mom [she buys me the best yogurt treats - she's got me hooked and I can't leave]. I enjoy a good carrot and mound of corn kernels paired with a good sip of fresh water. I love to cuddle with my mom when she's having a rough day and usually end up making her smile by squeaking my own little tune [she falls for it every time]. I hate traveling, but with my mom and dad living in different states I have to make the long haul to Ohio or New York every once in a while - I just cannot sleep well in the car and sleep is my life... well 21 hours a day at least. I usually sleep until about 11 or 11:30pm everyday depending on what time my momma wakes me up to play. I am a natural athlete and put about 10 miles on my wheel a night - I guess you could say I'm as attractive as they come. Other than running I enjoy my ball, climbing my up my home, nibbling on momma's duvet cover and talking to my dad via iChat video - I miss him so much... we totally see eye to eye about "man" stuff.

I gotta run - literally, but I'll be back soon - when you-know-who leaves my home open again.

~LB

simple observations

2007-09-29T12:28:00.000-05:00

To me, simple things make me happy. I like when someone waves when I allow them to go first when driving or when the sunshine comes in my window at work. I find joy in watching little bear give himself a bath and how cute he looks when just wakes up.

But since I have already established that I enjoy the little things in life, I think now I want to talk about little things in a different light. As I sit here at 12:31 in the afternoon after only just waking up not even two hours ago I realize that I would not have done this had I been with my other half. Most Saturday morning I was up at the crack of dawn [and nagging, i mean politely] asking Sam to wake up and start the day with me. Whether it is the sub-conscience awareness that your actions at home on a Saturday morning have little affect on the rest of the world, let alone your significant other or if it just the slight hint of constant sadness that looms and dulls life just that little itty bitty amount I am not sure, but I certainly feel it.

For example, the space between my bed and the sofa is about 3 feet wide. The vacuum that I used last Sunday has been occupying that space for the last week. When living with Sam, we had our own little system - I'd vacuum and he'd wrap the cord and stow it away. Is it my hope that he will travel 621 miles from Rochester to simply put the vacuum away for me? No, not really - that would be unreasonable, but something within me sticks to that thought like a dog on a mailman.

Distance does make the heart grow fonder, but further more it challenges static life. People, in general, are comfortable with what they know. We find happiness, in most cases, with the pleasures we know will give us, well, pleasure and happiness. Change, therefore is less than pleasurable, for most. I remember my mom babysitting one child. He loathed anything that disrupted his schedule or altered what he knew as stable. This child's mom knew this and often talked about it with my mother about solutions to get away from this way of thinking. In a similar example, my father. About my father: 100% Italian - need I say more. The man despises change - on any level. As an example of his inability to change is the fact that he's taken the same days of vacation for the last 7 or so years. Every year he takes off the day before labor day weekend and a week in November to go hunting. He's combed his hair the same way since, oh, the beginning of time and absolutely does not try new foods. My mother on the other hand is just the opposite. She loves new things and is really, in every way the complete reverse of my dad. She is the exceptions and sadly, I must admit I follow more in way of my father rather than mother.

In moving to Chicago, I have been asked by life to change. New home, new state, new job, new grocery store [ohhh, Wegmans how I miss thee] and a life without a readily available hugs from my soon-to-be husband, friends and most importantly family.

To be honest I have not found the balance between these two yet, but I am looking.

everyone has 'em

2007-09-28T21:55:00.000-05:00

Yup, that's right - bad days. For the most part, we can't help them, but they just kind of mosey along creeping up ever so slyly, striking with a slow and then rapid attach until before you know it little things like the broken stapler you have to use jamming seem like earth-shattering ordeals.

Well, if you have not guessed it, today I had a trying day [it would be quite silly and illogical of me to talk about bad days if in fact I had a wonderful one... ]. Where I work I manage print and direct mail campaigns. I basically work for a print brokerage, but we don't really like to say those words. The company I work for also does not use the term "junk mail." Working in a stressful environment there are A LOT of bad words - all of which are not even on the same level of vulgarity as muttering those two little words above "junk mail". The "SGi" politically correct term to use is "direct mail". So please, make note of this in your daily diction when cursing the masses amounts of "direct mail" received unecessarily and of little effectiveness (oh, just an FYI - the average "direct mail" campaign at most generates a 2% response rate while spending litterally hundreds of thousands of dollar usually).

Okay, okay, okay... enough explaining. I manage print projects. I don't love it, but that's only because I am filling the stocking the copier and tracking 5,231 UPS packages more so than I am doing any actual "management" of said projects. Anywhoooo... I had to cover some jobs for a coworker who took the day off. The jobs are by no means difficult or challenging, but this combined with my own deadlines and work to complete made it quite difficult to stay sane. And yes, I was actually "managing" projects today [ yip-pee :) ]. As always, when she was explaining to me [aka talking down to me about what I HAD to do for her all without a simple "thanks" or "thank you" at then end of her schpeel] she forgot to mention a few items that would have been quite helpful just after lunch came around. She forgot to let me know that one of her projects was not running on-time. And furthermore that there was a truck scheduled to pick up this job of over 60,000 pieces for one of our biggest clients! Soo... today I got a call from one of our vendors telling me this! I was trilled - and not to mention literally exhausted from all the emailing and phone dialing I had to do to figure out what in heaven's name was going on! For the next 2 hours I was being pulled back and forth into my bosses office to discuss what we could do and go... all the while that my own projects sit motionless in their little manilla folders on my desk. This was a very trying day...

At first I handled it all very well. I was calm, cool, collected... until I realized all the other work I had to accomplish by the end of the day, then I just became depressed.

Is it not justified to assume that when you respect another individual you should receive that same respect from them? Is this thought wrong. No, I only think this thought is human - from an actual person who cares how they interact with the world and the impact they understand that they have upon other people. I believe that people can take two routes when pursuing what they want. A. Courteously, clear, respectful, understanding yet assertive. Or B. Disrespect, very much not understanding, rude and a b*&tch. I choose the first and I am completely aware that I am in the minority where I work. I refuse to yell at vendors to get what I want. I try my best to not be condescending. However, I always say thank you [actually it is a compulsion of mine - I must say it or I will have trouble not thinking about the fact that I did not say "thank you".] And most importantly I understand that we are NOT perfect machines, but merely human. We are human when we speak out of line. We are human when we get into a fender-bender. We are human when we hurt the ones we love. WE are ALL human. Perfection is not an option or choice but a unreasonable expectation- at least not for me or anyone I've ever encountered.

I may be called weak and a "pushover," but my soul will not allow me to stomach or tolerate rudeness or vulgar language of myself in order to get what I need or what. I'm sorry, but I just will not do it. End of story. No, really... end of story.

hugs to all :)

erica

2007-09-10T21:31:00.000-05:00

Ohhh... the first post. So much pressure to say the right thing and post the right picture. How should I begin this blog? What should I say? This one post could really define all the subsequent post I make - I better make this one a good one! No, no, no... wait one moment. First impressions are exactly that. They do not call them first impression because they last forever - they are truly that... first impressions. Yes, we are all guilty of it. We judge based on what we see first. Judgement is something that we all struggle with - judgement of ourselves, others and well... just about anything that we come into contact with. So much of our lives are just packed to the brim with make decisions about people that we know so little about, but have experienced a "first impression".

Judgement of ourselves is, in some ways all consuming. Do I look fat in this? Will he like what I make for dinner? Are my kids smart enough? Constantly... all day long we compare ourselves with others. What would a world be like without "first impressions" or any other silly comparative practices? Probably pretty nice - but that is just me.

Growing up, I had a very limited view of judgement. I don't know if it were because of my mother singing to her own loving tune or whether I just plain oblivious to what was going on around me. To give you an example... I did not know there were such things as fall and spring fashions until I was about twenty. Up until now, at the ripe ol' age of twenty-three and soon to be married, I did not know that people actually picked "colors" for their weddings! First thing people ask you when you tell them you're engaged is when is the date (which currently I do not have) and what are you're color (which I refuse to have). But back to my point... judgement. It is only now in my life that I have started to find myself wishing I had more... more like "everyone" else. But!!! Wait a minute, (with my index finger pointed up in the air, as if I had come upon the very best idea ever) I do have everything that I need. We are bestowed, at our birth, with everything that we could possibly want - life. We may not always have love, money, a nice car, the most expensive clothes, but we will always have just what our creator intended us to possess.

What more could you possibly want? :)

But then again... we are human. And to be human is to want, to envy, to judge AND to be imperfect. Perfection for a human is like... well... a perfect human - it just does not happen. We all struggle and we all hide what we are ashamed of in our lives. With so many areas of our lives - work, home, self, marriage, parenting, and well we can't forget religion... it is truly and entirely unrealistic to hold within ourselves the perceptions that ourselves OR others possess any level perfection.

I wish you perfect days filled with all sorts of imperfect actions so you may grow, strive and become a better person each and every day here on forth.