on the verge

I've been a bit on edge lately. I'm not quite sure why, but I have been. Life is going well and maybe that's the culprit. While I try to stay pretty calm and cool on the surface, I think that I tend to be bit drawn to drama at times. My crass and sarcastic comments have been not only verbal, but louder lately. Buy why? Yes, my hamster died (miss you, little guy), and I'm curious about one other factor in my life that is totally inappropriate to talk about in this blog, but other than that, things are fine.

I like to think that I'm on the verge of discovering something monumental–either about myself or someone else, but only time will tell.

I do not enjoy being bitter or seemingly lacking compassion, but I am finding it very hard to tap into that part of me, but then again, it has always been hard for me to "understand" others. It is something that i struggle with constantly. I think that I've broken it down into 2 problems. 1. I have a hard time knowing how to react when someone tells me something unfortunate because I do not know what degree to concern I should display and 2. I have to digest whatever that event is on my own time and feel as if i am being a little bit fake when I over-react.

I have a hard time being happy like most people with normal and ordinary lives. I feel as if I should be moving forward faster or challenging myself with something constantly, but this one topic is cold and sour for me to tackle mainly because I do not want to be dragged into something that I have no business being involved with. That line between what I should react to and what I should not is very blurry for me and I feel bad for those who do not feel as if I am giving them the proper degree of concern.

Here's to being overly cynical...